My story began in my mother’s womb and her dream of a fish when she was pregnant with me.
What significance did her dream have I wonder? What makes a fish so special?
Maybe it’s because they can flow with the mysterious undercurrents of water that is directed by push and pull of the moon. Or they are able to transcend boundaries and barriers, because to them, the world is one large body of water. But most importantly, in a sink or swim situation they are always afloat.
She also recalls her association to this “fish dream” as a really good omen. “It was a really nice dream” she said.
However, when she found out that I was a girl, her intuition was overcasted by grim reality of being stuck with 2 daughters and a family of 5 including my eldest brother. To a middle-class Nepali family who was already struggling to make ends meet, this was a weighted decision.
She then gave into her fear and made an appointment without my father’s consent to abort me. He was not happy to discover this news. As he was handing her the doctors fee, he shared his disagreement with her decision. He told her that I was a god’s gift to them and they shouldn’t turn their backs on the divine plan.
This interaction somehow tapped in her intuitive conscious as she recollected her dream about the fish. She was once again reassured that I was destined to be born.
Maybe god wanted them to learn the value of fluidity and an ease of a fish or maybe god just wanted them to go with the flow.