Homecoming

Right now I’m preparing for the writing workshop I’m hosting in Nepal next week. Everything is going pretty seamlessly so far. All things are in order as much as they can be. Except for the visa, which I can also get in Nepal apparently. My dad, however, doesn’t want us to deal with the long line at the airport and the questioning harassment, “What is the purpose of your travel?” But I will have my cousin, Suchita, in this mayhem with me. At least we will have an interesting memory to share upon the embarking of our adventure. We’re probably going to have so many memories to follow that will reside only among each other.

I really don’t know what to expect at this point. Will it be everything we dreamed of? Will it be the craziest and the biggest adventure of our lives so far? Seems like it is.I guess the uncertainty is the only certain part about this trip. No one knows what will happen. No one can tell. But everyone keeps saying that it will be a great one including me. I have these waves of feelings, sometimes good, sometimes bad, a euphoric kind of feeling, emerging as if I can foresee a glimpse of what is ahead.

Some memories are probably waiting for my arrival as if they have not been able to live fully in my absence of 14 years, while others that never felt my absence to begin with. A bittersweet reunion. Memories of the subliminal come alive to remind me of the forgotten. Not to taunt me but to teach me; to show me that I have been blessed.How I have been blessed my whole life. How my life, my god, and my soul never cheated me. I was aware of all my blessings then yet it’s not until now that I’m able to fully embrace my past and find myself through it all.

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Dancing in the Moonlight

Right now I’m sitting on the bank of James River by the Bells Isle trail. It’s truly beautiful here; both the scenery and the way it makes you feel so eternal. The crisp breeze telling you that it’s the first morning batch of fresh air, unpolluted.

I like the isolation of being the only one here at this early hour. Not that I would mind or be bothered if there were others around but I guess it’s human nature to long for a blissful solitude.

A place where you are content with yourself and all the choices you have made since there is no one to tell you good from bad or right from wrong. You’re carefree to think and feel what and how you want. Do as you please without being analyzed, misinterpreted, or misjudged.

This probably is the biggest dichotomy of human existence; you crave companionship but equally long for your solitude.Safety versus adventure.Attachment or detachment.

It’s definitely my biggest dilemma. I long to be with someone and have a life long companionship but also yearn for my solitude. To feel independent, claim my success as my own, and pay tribute to no one.

After all it is me who got myself to where I’m. How far I have come.Granted I have had amazing people encourage me, inspire me to push further. However, it’s me who has to cross the finish line.

Then again, what would that success look like without crowd of people cheering your name at the finish line? Excited, anticipation a victory hug and a big celebration.Followed by an after party where everybody is dancing in the moonlight.